EPL WRAP.............
Paul Merson has pinpointed why McDonald’s rule the world, and Van Gaal is a tactical chump…Paul Merson’s magic guide to business
As far as Mediawatch is aware, Paul Merson does not have a Business or Economics degree. And yet he has entirely nailed the secret of McDonald’s’s continued success on Sky Sports:
“Just think of massive fast food companies. They make all that money and create all that success, selling more hamburgers and more chips and more drinks than anyone else, but they still spend on adverts. Arsenal should have spent in the summer.”
We’re lovin’ it.
Trouble shooting
“If one of the centre-halves or strikers gets injured they’re [Arsenal, who else?] in trouble,” said Merson. You mean like when Gabriel came in against Liverpool, Newcastle, Stoke and Manchester United and they kept clean sheets, Paul?
Magic advice of the day
Paul Merson on Jurgen Klopp: ‘It’s different over here, and he will need to get used to it.’
Diminishing returns
‘I wouldn’t rule them out of a top-eight finish,’ is Paul Merson’s balls-on-the-line verdict on Crystal Palace (who are ‘a different kettle of fish’, apparently. To what is never made clear).
As his September 4 prediction was that they would finish fifth, we should bloody think not.
What’s coming in November? ‘Merson fancies Palace for top half’? By February they might be primed for survival.
One more from Merse
‘City without those two [Silva and Aguero] is like taking the City out of Manchester.’
Sorry, what?
The big question
Tottenham are in eighth. This time last season, Tottenham were also in eighth; and that was their worst start since 2008. #SSNHQ
The biggest week ever, ever, ever
The Sun’s Steven Howard has previously called Louis van Gaal ‘away with the fairies’ (for making his Manchester United players practise passing – the crazy fool), so Mediawatch is unsurprised to see him building up games against Everton, CSKA Moscow and Manchester City as ‘the most important week of his Manchester United career’. Mediawatch would have picked the week in March when fourth-placed United played (and beat) Tottenham and Liverpool in quick succession to pull away from their top-four rivals, but never mind. This week in October – with United two points off the top of the table – is definitely the biggest yet.
Howard even claims that Goodison Park is a ‘bit of a burial ground for high-profile managers’. Is he seriously suggesting that Van Gaal could be sacked if they lose? Surely he will get the chance to complete ‘the most important week of his Manchester United career’?
The ‘man at the heart of The Sun’ is more than happy to peddle the idea that serial trophy winner Van Gaal is some kind of tactical imbecile:
‘So it’s a big week for Van Gaal who arrived last season on a high after taking Holland to the World Cup semi-finals.Yes, substituting a 30-plus player after 96 minutes just four days after he had played 120 minutes is just plain crazy. Especially when the man coming on to replace him is Klaas-Jan Huntelaar, who had scored the winning penalty to beat Mexico in their last-16 clash. The mad b**tard.
‘They might have fared better if Robin van Persie had taken part in the penalty shootout against Argentina — except Van Gaal had substituted him six minutes into extra-time. Bizarre.
‘He can’t afford too many slip-ups over the next few days.’
And there has definitely been no recent indication that Holland reaching the World Cup semi-finals was any kind of achievement.
Ramires a Chelsea right-back option *shudder*
Ivanovic and Thibaut Courtois are Chelsea’s only injury absentees heading into Saturday’s clash with Aston Villa, according to manager Mourinho.
The injury sustained on international duty by Serbian Ivanovic leaves Chelsea with four possible options to replace him, of which one is midfielder Ramires and another is centre-half Zouma.
“There are four solutions – Cesar Azpilicueta, Kurt Zouma, Ramires or an 18-year-old, Ola Aina,” Mourinho said. “It depends on the matches and the opponents.”
Further up the pitch, midfielder Ruben Loftus-Cheek has been tipped as a potential starter for Chelsea against Villa this weekend, and Mourinho confirmed the 19-year-old was “ready”.
“Ruben has been working with us every day since January and has evolved physically, tactically, mentally. We can start him. He is ready,” the Portuguese said.
Chelsea sit 16th in the Premier League table after a nightmare start to the season – no club has finished higher than fifth after gaining just eight points from their opening eight games – but Mourinho insists he and his players and trying to find the solution.
“Every game is a must win game and when we don’t win it’s always a frustration,” he said. “But we cannot run away from the reality of the situation.
“We need to win matches for us, for the Chelsea supporters. I don’t know how to stop unfair stories but we are not worried. We are not going to be relegated – in a couple of months we will be in a position we want to be in.
Mourinho also discussed his £50,000 fine and suspended one-match stadium ban handed to him by the FA after comments made following the club’s 3-1 defeat to Southampton last time out. On the charges, Mourinho said: “I have to be honest with myself. It’s the most important thing so I have to appeal.
“The moment we got the written reasons and I decided to appeal is the moment to stop with my opinions and not to add anything more than I did already.
“Maybe I am naive but English football fans, English passion for the game, is what makes me like this country so much. It’s not the FA. If one day I have to work for those people, I will…”
Mourinho left ‘sad’ by Chelsea mutiny reports
The London Evening Standard reported on Thursday that Chelsea players had grown disillusioned and annoyed after Mourinho’s constant criticism of their poor performances this season, as well as his backroom staff.
The reports also included a hilarious claim that a senior player had invented a one-word derogatory term for Mourinho, and while the Portuguese boss admits such reports are “sad”, he insists that he still has the backing of his players.
“It’s sad but I don’t care really, I don’t care,” Mourinho said. “I spoke with the players about it and the players are also sad about it, but there is no way to care.
“We know what we are, we know the relationships between ourselves. We know that we are together trying to go back to normality but it is quite sad because people could analyse the situation in pure football terms.
“Let’s try to find the reason why this team is playing badly and why it is not winning matches, without agendas and without unfair comment, because that’s not nice.”
“My reaction is [Asmir] Begovic – and I’m speaking about the last three or four days – said we had the best manager in the world. [Kurt] Zouma the same. [England’s lion] JT: we have the manager we want, the one who can help us to revive this situation. Diego Costa: if you ask every player in the world, they will all answer the same, that they’d like to work with three managers and one of them is this one.
“Who else? [Cesc] Fabregas, the same. Ramires, the same. [Ruben] Loftus-Cheek, the same. [Gary] Cahill, the same. Eden Hazard, very similar,” he added, before saying with a smile: “So I think the mutiny must be… Baba [Rahman], Baba… who else? Papy [Djilobodji]? Falcao? Oscar? So these four don’t play Saturday for sure. Official.”
Sherwood: I take inspiration from Alan Pardew
Villa have not won in the Premier League since an opening day victory over Bournemouth, and now sit 18th in the table above only Sunderland and Newcastle.
Reports claimed over the weekend that Sherwood must win at least one of his next two games as manager – against Chelsea on Saturday and Swansea next weekend – to save his job, although club director Charles Krulak rubbished such claims on Thursday.
Speaking ahead of the crunch game against struggling Chelsea this weekend, Sherwood has come out fighting amid the uncertainty over his job, and says that he takes “inspiration” from the likes of Crystal Palace manager Alan Pardew, who has endured difficult spells in management before.
“Once I get through this period everyone will benefit. Aston Villa will and Tim Sherwood will,” he said.
“I’m a football manager and am responsible for results. That’s what I’m paid for. I’ll stand up to this.
“It’s the nature of the game we’re in. I look up to managers who have stood up in tough periods. I take inspiration from Alan Pardew. He’s now favourite for the England job when Roy [Hodgson] leaves. A real turnaround.
“I take a lot of heart from managers who have been through difficult periods. This is my first tough period in management. We’ll soldier on and get through it. I have 100 per cent belief that we’ll stay in the Premier League.”
“The players know the last few weeks haven’t been good enough. There are a lot of points to be played for, enough to stay in the division.
“I’ve got to believe in the players that I’ve got, which I do. We need to improve and it needs to click and it will. I believe we’ll be in the Premier League next season.
“Fans were singing my name three weeks ago – they’ll be singing my name in another three weeks.”
Martinez reveals Everton tried to sign Martial
Martial joined United in a deal worth an initial £36.7million on transfer deadline day this summer, with the Frenchman having impressed at Monaco.
Martial had previously struggled to break through at Lyon before joining Monaco for around £3million in 2013, and Martinez has revealed he tried to sign the forward during his first season as Everton manager.
“Yes, we did [try to sign him],” Martinez told talkSPORT before this weekend’s clash with United. “We followed Martial when he moved to Monaco, at that time he couldn’t get any playing time, he was with the Under-21s for France.
“I must admit we never had that profile of a number nine. He was always a wide player and that was the player we were trying to get on loan.
“We had a little bit of an opportunity but it never materialised.”
Our man Degsy reckons Everton at 23/10 are a tasty bet to beat the Red Devils on Saturday.
Valdes unlikely to return to Spain – agent
Victor Valdes does not want to return to Spain in January, despite it being “obvious” that he must leave Manchester United.The former Barcelona goalkeeper is under contract at Old Trafford until next summer but Louis van Gaal has made it clear that 33-year-old has no future with the Red Devils.
Valdes, who has been told he cannot train at the same time as the first-team squad, is now on the look-out for a new club, with Chelsea and Liverpool both linked with the keeper over recent weeks.
Newcastle are the latest side to be credited with an interest in the wake of Tim Krul’s season-ending knee injury.
Valdes’ agent, Gines Carvajal, says his client will seek a move in January but a return to Spain does not appeal at this stage.
“He needs to go to a place he feels is right for him,” he told Radio Marca. “He won’t be coming to Spain, unless he decides otherwise.
“It is obvious he must leave in January, and we are looking to find a move that he likes.”
Carvajal also revealed that Valdes rejected the opportunity to return to La Liga during the summer.
“He had the option of coming to Valencia in the summer and did not want to,” he said.
Maybe he just really likes deers.
‘No possibility’ of leaving for Holland, says Koeman
Oranje coach Danny Blind is under intense pressure as a consequence of his team’s failure to qualify for Euro 2016 but Koeman, once an iconic Holland international who has repeatedly been linked with the job, is adamant that even if it was offered to him he would choose to remain in the Premier League.
“I’m manager of Southampton,” he said. “I like to be the manager of Southampton, I like to stay, and I have after this season one year more, (so) there’s no way, no possibility (I could leave).
“Maybe (I could be the Holland manager) in the future, but depending on a lot of things.
“The Dutch have to take the disappointment, and we have to learn and we have to give a reaction.
“And we have to change something – organisations, federations – we speak a lot about that.
“We don’t have a football name on the board of the (KNVB) federation, it’s crazy.
“But I’m happy in Southampton and we’re doing well, and that’s the most important thing.
“I can tell everybody – I told it already – I’m happy at Southampton, I’m the coach of Southampton and next season I will be the coach at Southampton, and then in my last year of contract we will see what happens.”
Koeman’s disappointment in Holland’s fortunes, which have dramatically declined since reaching the final four of the 2014 World Cup, will be shared by his compatriots Jordy Clasie, Virgil van Dijk and Maarten Stekelenburg.
The former could on Saturday make his first Premier League appearance, at home against Leicester, but Koeman will be without Shane Long, who he revealed injured his ankle ligaments while on international duty with the Republic Ireland and will therefore miss the next two to four weeks.
“I hope (Clasie will play) this Saturday,” Koeman said.
“It’s important for him to be 100 per cent physically. If he’s okay he brings cleverness to the team, in his passing, in his pressing, that we need.
“I don’t think he’s ready for 90 minutes but he needs game time to be an important player for us.”
Hughes: Shawcross two weeks from injury return
After a 45-minute run-out for the Under-21s last week, Shawcross played 90 minutes of a behind-closed-doors game on Thursday as he stepped up his rehabilitation from a summer back operation.
But while his progress has been encouraging, the 28-year-old centre-back will not be making his maiden first-team appearance of the season on Monday when Stoke take on Swansea away.
Asked about Shawcross on Thursday afternoon at his press conference to preview the Barclays Premier League match at the Liberty Stadium, Hughes said: “Today was another step up for him.
“We wanted him to get some more minutes and he completed 90, which is his first since the operation, so that is good.
“The initial idea was to give him 60, 65 or 70 today but he felt good so we left him on and he came through it, so that is encouraging.
“But he probably needs a couple more games before he is in consideration. He hasn’t had too many sessions with the senior group over the last couple of weeks, so he’ll need another couple of weeks I’m sure.”
Hughes added: “It is a case of making sure Ryan is ready to come back and that when he does, he is able to hit the ground running and be at the level he was before the injury.
“He’s progressing well, we are really pleased with where he is at the moment, and the key now is that he doesn’t get any adverse reactions to playing or training.”
Someone else who will not be involved in Monday’s game is Potters striker Mame Diouf, who has been given compassionate leave following the death of his mother, reportedly killed in a stampede during the annual Hajj pilgrimage in Saudi Arabia.
Hughes said of Diouf: “The likelihood is that he will come back early next week, but he’ll miss the game on Monday.”
The manager also said defender Marc Wilson is fit to make his return after missing two games with a calf problem, and that winger Xherdan Shaqiri should also be available having overcome his thigh complaint.
Goalkeeper Shay Given is set to miss out due to the knee injury he picked up on international duty with the Republic of Ireland.
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